Well, this is it

This will likely be my penultimate post, the next being when I’ve actually made the move.

HOWEVER, I have decided to go back to London, I’m just yet to settle on a date. I can’t tell you how many hours I’ve spent sitting dwelling on it all, whether it’s the right decision or not, if I’ll regret it. But what I have realised is that nothing is certain, will I regret it? Who knows, not even me. I have experienced something not many people get the chance to, and even if I’ve come out the other side deciding it’s not for me, well that’s just bloody well that.

Canada has so much to offer, the hiking being the one big reason I chose to live in Alberta. If I wanted to buy a house, it’s so much cheaper here (than London that is). But does it offer the social life and warmth I felt in London? No it doesn’t. Maybe that’s just me and my experience, I didn’t leave London to escape it, I left to try something new. If this whole adventure has taught me anything it’s that I absolutely belong in London and I’m a city girl at heart.

I’ve been getting very annoyed at people saying I’m leaving because I’m ’home sick’, because I’m not (if you’re reading this mum et al, I do love you by the way). Everybody knows your career and work are a huge part of your life, time wise and happiness wise. I was so proud being a paramedic in London and had so many opportunities. I’m not bitching about being a paramedic in Canada but it’s just a whole different ball game. The lack of autonomy but mostly the rota and lack of time off (10 days a year?? No thanks). I don’t feel satisfied here and the fact it’s not even held in the same regard as nursing (they are put on a peddle-stool out here - and I’ll add as they should but no more than every other healthcare worker) doesn’t help the situation. So all of the above, alongside fairly poor wages just really seals the deal for me. I loved my London life, 28 days annual leave, 4 on 5 off schedule, respect and autonomy and my bloody amazing friends.

One thing that really summed up what I’m talking about is when I got back from my recent trip home. I walked into work and a duel primary care paramedic/firefighter said to me ‘so you think you’ll go back?’ And I said absolutely, I love being a medic there. His response ‘What, you’d go back there and be a PARAMEDIC?!’ With a confused look on his face. THIS is what I mean, the sheer shock at actually wanting to do that job. It speaks volumes. Once again I’m not saying it’s an awful career here it’s just not what I AM used to, if this was all you knew then it’d be fine, but coming from a different education and healthcare system, it sure is a change.

I want to add that I’ve climbed 12 peaks in the Rocky Mountains, went backcountry camping for the first time, met some great people, skied (probably won’t again) and just had a blast! So it’s not all been bad. But it’s just not for me, long term anyway.

Tomorrow I turn 29. It’s been an oddly emotional time for me, making this decision was no easy feat. In some ways I feel like a failure, but I have to remind myself how brave I was to up and move my entire life, ALONE. No I’m not married, I’ve got no kids and I don’t even own a house. BUT, I have some wild memories, I’ve given life a good go and I’ve come out knowing where I belong.

Maybe my 30s is where I figure it all out, who knows?

Em x